EPISODE 9:
My stomach hurts so bad.
As the carriage gets closer and closer, I remembered the day when I runaway and the time when I faced everything head-on. The dream I had ever since I was 7 has always been engraved in my heart. That scene when I was disinherited and abandoned, Father's harsh words and the eyes of the servants who coldly averted their eyes. Whenever they show kindness, every time I started to think it's fun as if to remind me of an unfortunate end, I always dreamed of that scene, as if it was in an endless repeat. And then I'll wake up from the dream with a tear-streaked face and tell myself. 'Don't get so full of yourself!' Since you'll just be cast aside... Don't even think that you are being loved! Not until the game is over. I'll live my life as a commoner....or rather I've decided to live more like myself, I'll live freely and honestly. It has always been my motto to not have deeper interactions both with my family and the servants and to not have expectations. Since it's something I will lose later on and that I'll only feel sadness, then it's better to not have such expectations. I always thought that I'll just have to make a special bond with someone after I became a commoner. And so that day became the root of everything. Without any destination, I returned to my room as I succumbed into the darkness. The nightmare that tormented me for years might just be me, victimizing myself in an endless delusion. If I think like that I can't help but get scared. How much goodwill and kindness have I wasted. Almost 10 years worth of time is wasted for nothing. The good times. My bonds with others. Even the love from my family. I wasn't able to cultivate any. Even as a noble, I should have a word and prided myself with it, from a noble's dignity, bearing...since thinking I'm going to lose them anyway, so there's no need to equip myself with them. If I objectively look at myself, I feel everything around me crumbling, as my feet fall. I've always doubted their love and wasn't able to give back to them. I abandoned my obligations and just waited for that day to happen. I didn't even think of doing anything to avoid the bad thing from happening. After leaving the mansion, I despaired over myself. If I have worth to live as a noble, I keep on doubting it and caused trouble for everyone. I don't even know how to face everyone. Just like the scenario, I left the mansion. I wish I could reset this hopeless situation I created. The lifestyle downtown is a carefree one, but I do know that even if I run away from, not a single thing has been solved. That's why last night, there is one thing I've sworn to myself. 'I'll never run away again' To all the things I've turned a blind eye on... From now on, I will never avert my eyes, I will face everything head-on. I won't run away anymore. "Oh my! What is this! This messy hair and rough skin! I must immediately prepare a therapeutic bath!" — — --Is what happened upon my return. Eunie here: Sorry for the late update. I've lost track of time after cuddling with my doggo and watching Kimetsu no Yaiba. I stock piled some eps. AND DAMN UFOTABLE!! THEY'RE SO AMAZING!! GODLY!! Ufotable, Bones, Madhouse, KyoAni and Ghibli. Even though I've caught up with the manga, the animation didn't obstruct or destroyed the manga plot and it's amazing characters. Okay me talking nonsense is over. hohoho.
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